An Unconventional Conventional Gift Guide
A list to help you turn blah basics into bold gifting wins
Vince Staples has this one interview with Complex Magazine where he says (and I’m paraphrasing) that gift-giving is a selfish act: one that’s ultimately about the giver’s pleasure.
As he usually does, Staples has a point. Part of the rush of gift-giving is watching someone express (what you hope is genuine) glee at this object you wanted them to have. The hunt, the chase: it’s hard to describe it as anything other than thrilling, and its why searching for gifts is my jam.
It’s also one of the reasons I tend to eschew existing “you can get me this” lists. If you know what you want and can afford it, why am I buying it for you? And for me, giving a good present is an investment of our most precious resource - time.
My favorite gifts have been expressions of intense listening or rich symbols of time spent together. One of my best friends gave me a small Damien Davis sculpture as a birthday present last year. The beauty of that gift wasn’t just the sculpture itself but the fact that she’d taken note of my adoration of Davis’ work, expressed over an Instagram story I’d posted nearly a year prior. That same friend painted a portrait of my mini family (Me, my husband, and my baby girl Shelly) as a wedding gift in 2019. Her gifts reflect her friendship: an ability to listen deeply to communicate love and kinship without a need to discuss the details. It’s unspoken but innate.
To this, one of the things I’ve done over the last few years is maintain a running Notes app doc of potential gift options for my dearest. It's a scratch list of throwaway comments, quiet obsessions, or beloved items sadly left on the rack during joint shopping trips. Then, when it comes time to pick up a holiday present or a birthday gift, I can look back at things my loved ones geeked out over, deemed too indulgent, or simply didn’t have the time to seek out the perfect version of.
I know, I know: I’m packing on the pressure. You don’t need to be this way! As a shopper, I like loaning this skill out during the holidays. If you’re not a shopper, you will not get the same buzz, and that’s okay. But you can still find ways to give unique, functional, and unexpected gifts that can enrich someone’s life.
There are two main trails I’ll encourage you to follow to do this. The first is around refined basics — getting folks the utterly divine, well-made versions of stuff they buy themselves begrudgingly as a matter of being a functional adult. The second is about turning memories or interests you share into objects that turn those joys or experiences into physical manifestations. Most of the items on the following list will follow these two conventions.
You may not scoop up anything from this list (at least not for someone else… giving a gift to yourself is always allowed), but I hope it gets the brain moving as you search for an ideal present for your people over the coming weeks.